HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Relax and Take a Load Off

Do us all a favor
Cut off the 12 pounds of fat
You call your head.

Die, you brain-dead moron!

Congratulations on Your New Job!

Though I wouldn't work for anyone
Who would hire you.
How did you get over on them?

Lying Bastard!

Happy Anniversary!

My friend Bill says that
Your wife's "Eat" tattoo
Should be closer to her vadge.

I agree, but told him that
The "In Here" tattoo
Is perfectly placed by her anus.

Dipshit!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It took me some time
To find a card
Just for you.
Yet, I found one
That says exactly
What I wanted to say.
And here it is:

YOU SUCK!

Congratulations on Your New Home!

There goes the neighborhood.

Dumbass!

Sorry to Hear . . .

That you lost your job.
It's far more amazing to me
That you had one in the first place!

I love this country;
Do us all a favor and
Stay out of the workforce,
You Total Waste!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

So, it's true.
You're living proof.
The good die young,
and the assholes continue on.

See you next year, Scumbag!

Congratulations on Your New Addition!

That's all we need,
Another asshole to use up
the world's valuable resources.
Two words: Birth Control
Dickweed!

Thank You for Last Night!

It was boring,
Totally unfulfilling,
And, mostly, a complete waste of my time.
What a Loser!
Stay Away!

Happy Anniversary!

Your wife says mine is twice as big as yours.
Let me return the compliment;
She has great boobs!
You Asshole!

Get Well Soon!

And get off your fat ass!
Stop welshing and start to contribute!
Rat Bastard!

Happy 50th Birthday!

Another foot in the grave,
and none too soon,
you son of a bitch!
Age Badly!

You Are Like the Sun!

You burn me,
Cause me cancer;
and you're not especially bright at night.
You Suck!

Bon Voyage!

Hope the cruise goes well.
Hit an Iceberg!
Scumbag!

It's Great to Have You As a Friend!

It's always good to know someone
that you're smarter than
more attractive than
and all around better than.
Nice to know ya, Asswipe!

Congratulations on a Job Well Done!

Never has the world witnessed such incompetence.
Do us all a favor.
Leave town, you effin' moron!

Happy Anniversary!

Like flies to shit,
The attraction was mutual.
Definitely meant for each other.
As Romeo and Juliet did -
Die, you Bastards!

Thank You!

For screwing up my life.
Without all the problems and difficulties that you add to my world,
I don't know what I'd do.
Thanks again, asshole!

Get Well Soon!

Or Die!
We could use the extra space.
Dumbass!

Happy Birthday!

We actually thought you had died seven or eight years ago. Unfortunately we heard otherwise. Go figure, you old bastard!